birthday wishes

"Oh man, I know what I want for my birthday. For reals. I want a penguin."

"You don’t need a penguin."

"Yes I do. I need a penguin, and I need to call him Petey."

"Petey the Penguin?"

"Petey Xavier Penguin."

"Oka –"

"Petey Xavier Penguin Esquire."


"And I will put a cunning red leash on him and take him for walks, and people will say, ‘Look what a fetching picture that girl and her penguin make.’ And we will walk, and play games, and go on rides and have adventures and be friends and he will go to work with me and I will go to work with him and then to the park and the supermarket and Starbucks."

"But –"

"He will live in the freezer! Or the crisper drawer!"


"And he will love me!"

"Fang isn’t good enough for you?"

"Fang doesn’t do dishes, or clean the bathtub. Fang does not clean baseboards."

"Your penguin is going to clean your house?"

"That’s what penguins do."

"They do not."

"They totally do."

"You don’t want a penguin, you want a servant in a tuxedo."

"I want a penguin!"

"You want an obedient maître d’!"

"No! I want a MAIDtre d’. Ha!"

"Oh, Anne."

"Ha ha ha ha!"

"You’re going to be so disappointed."

5 Replies to “birthday wishes”

  1. Good thing you let me know in time—I had already arranged for that pony you’ve been pining for, and now I have to exchange it!

  2. I’m always disappointed by how much penguins stink! I’m always drawn to their exhibits at aquariums and the like and then have to leave, hyperventilating on the stench, and on my guilt at hating the stench. I feel like I’m not allowed to like penguins unless I like how they smell? So, um – maybe reconsider the penguin.

    However, I would totally go for a tuxedo’ed servant/dude. Especially if he kept taking little breaks to do the adorable clutzy pratfall antics like the cartoon penguins. They make me laugh EVERY time. (And, cartoons don’t smell)

  3. Oh yeah – Happy Birthday, Anne! Duh – sorry I was so dense.

    I hope you got that pony or penguin or a least a lovely evening with your electric blanket!

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