E. and I went and got a washing machine yesterday, for his mom,
from a neighbor one town over. His mom gave us her truck and E. would not let me
drive, because I tend to get distracted, which I think is such a lie because
everything is shiny! Yay! What? Right. We toodled over there in the big, rattling pickup and pulled onto the neighbor lady’s sidewalk, in front of her condo complex, to load up the big heavy
motherfucker. And a very old man who apparently owns the sidewalk leaned out of
his window and started shouting at us while we took off our coats to maneuver the big heavy
motherfucker up onto the truck bed.
"Naaaagghhhnnnnn!" he said.
"Just five minutes!" we called up to him, and continued to struggle in the icy cold.
He got on the phone, and hung out the window. "Naaaggggnnnn!" he said
into the phone, and shook his fist at us.
"Did he just shake his fist at us?" I said.
The neighbor lady said "Yeah. He’s like
"He’s on the phone with the police right now, isn’t he," I said.
"Yeah," the neighbor said.
"Awesome," E. said.
We went back into the garage to call E.’s mom, and let her know that there was
also a dryer, and did she want it? and once again, we heard
"Jesus Christ," I said.
"He’s going to have a heart attack," E. said, covering the mouthpiece
of the phone.
I went outside to wave placatingly at him. He was hanging out the window with a
video camera, taping us. "A video camera," I sputtered.
E. and the neighbor lady came out and observed the old man and his camera,
still trained on us.
"He’s also going to take down your license plate number if he hasn’t
already," the neighbor woman said.
"Awesome," E. said.
We all waved, and he shook his fist at us, and ducked inside.
"Oh look, it’s his wife!" the neighbor lady said. We all waved at
her, and she vanished back behind the curtain, but one evil, unblinking eye
remained fixed on us.
As we pulled away, we decided it was it was probably very rude to give the
finger to the old and unstable, especially during this, the holiday season. He
was probably just videotaping us for his video holiday card extravaganza! He probably has a
rifle and will kill us in our sleep. Happy New Year!