revolutions

Last year, I don’t think I
bothered to make any new year’s resolutions—I was perfect already, wasn’t I? Oh,
totally. I was facing a huge year, though, of changes and craziness and things
that would crack my heart right in half and things that would make me feel like
I had been socked in the gut, both literally and figuratively. Things that left
me breathless. I am not sure that resolving to floss or be nicer to babies
would have made that much of a difference.

Last year, though, I didn’t know that 2007 was going to be such a huge,
transformative kind of 365. This year, standing at the edge, I was feeling a
little sentimental and a little apprehensive, knowing exactly how fucking crazy
my life is going to be, and feeling very aware that I’m doing it to myself—that
every single one of these things about to happen is the direct result of a
choice or choices I have made. All of these things make me terrified and
exhilarated and impatient for 2008 to start. This year, I kind of feel like I
need to take something along with me, and so I am going to make resolutions.
Maybe they’ll help. They feel like they will, and isn’t that enough?

1. Start a freelance career.

I mean, duh. I will starve and die in the wilds of Utah and be eaten alive by Mormon meth addicts if I do not do freelance work. But, I
mean, not just rest on the laurels of the freelance stuff I’ve already got going
on—aggressively pursue new opportunities, brainstorm article ideas, send out
queries, make contacts, develop a freelance career, breathe into a paper bag,
oh my god.

2. Hello, budget!

Again, death in Utah if I do not get myself on a budget and stick with it, but
I really want to make myself a concrete, sustainable plan that I can stick to
and that will not only keep me in sushi (seriously? SLC has some phenomenal
sushi. I am as stunned as you are) and shoes, but also give me a cushion for
any new crazy plans I come up with in the next few years.

3. Finish my fancy book and get it out there.

Brrr.

4. Write the damn book proposal and start circulating it.

For some reason, I’ve been stalling. Book proposals aren’t hard! I’ve got people
wanting to look at it! And yet. Have I said brr? Because brrr.

5. Write the memoir.

Once upon a time, I was fat. Now I am not, and it’s fucking craaaaaaazy. The
end.


6. Fitness: a) Run the (fucking) 5K already. b) Yoga. c) With the weights and
the business.

I’ve been running on a treadmill for the entirety of my goddamn life. Well, not
for a while now. But by god, I’ve got to get somewhere. So to speak. That was a
treadmill joke, I think. This year, I’m going to get back up to par, running 5K
on the treadmill, then moving onto real-live running, and then signing up for a
5K this spring. In the meantime, I need me some flexibility (bend and stretch
and bend and stretch two three four) and I need some muscle tone. I’ve got
scrawny, bony arms with, paradoxically, lots of sexy flabbiness. Screw that.


7. Stop sucking as a friend.

I do not call, I never write, I suck a lot and it makes me sad. I am moving
away from people I love, and I do not want them to fade from my life. I am far
from more people I love, and I’d like to keep them from fading entirely from my
life before it is too late. I need to stay in touch, email, call, make time for
people and their birthdays and tell them that they’re important to me instead
of just hoping they know that, and hoping they realize it’s all completely me
and not them.

8. Get organized.

I am bad. So bad. I am careless and sloppy in every arena, and if I want any of
this stuff at all to work out in any way, I have got to get that at least
partially under control, you know? I will figure out a plan of attack, and I
will Improve Myself. At least a little. Any little bit will help, for serious.
Because every little bit, right now? Is a mess.

9. Keep track of what I’m reading.

Book blogs are what the cool kids are doing, right? Three years ago.

10. Be happy. Woo woo!

That is not quite right—maybe, be aware. Be hopeful. Hang on. It’s going to be
really hard, this year. I’m going to be scared and frustrated and overwhelmed
and wondering what the fuck I am doing and why the fuck I am doing it a lot of
the time, and I’ve got to remember the good reasons for this, what I’m hoping
to achieve and where I’m hoping to go. I’m going to be okay. Even when things
are sucking with the suck of a thousand sucks, in the end, I’m going to be
okay. Maybe even more than okay, and that’s what I’ve got to remember.

All of us should remember that. Happy New Year, everyone.

  3 comments for “revolutions

  1. anon
    January 2, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Ah, resolutions. I have always hated them, the very idea of them, the seemingly inevitable destined-to-fail-ness of them.

    But, you know, this year I have to admit I actually sat and made a list. There is some shit I have to get together and I figured why not be like every other human being on the planet and go with January 1 as the turn-the-page-on-a-new-year-and-a-fresh-start kind of thing.

    Actually, Jan 2. I spent Jan 1, yesterday, finishing up my last (hopefully forever) pack of cigarettes and drinking my last (just for a while, for caloric reasons) martinis and hoovering up the last of the holiday leftovers in the fridge and writing my list. With Jan 2, today, as the official start. Aha, see, I am NOT like everyone else, damnit.

    Maybe it’ll really work. My list has eleven items on it and a couple match yours or are damn close. Some real concrete things and also some out-there, working-on-myself-and-my-emotions kind of things.

    Here’s hoping we can both look back in late 2008 and feel good about how we’ve done.

  2. January 2, 2008 at 11:13 am

    good luck with all of it!

    my favorite bartender, when hearing me bemoan having to leave San Francisco (I moved a year and a half ago) told me “you can always come back, sweetie. it’s the island of misfit toys. we’ll all still be here.” that thought has been a sweet comfort to me.

  3. January 2, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    your new year reso’s sound quite enticing… books, fitness… i could easily swap you my boring ones ;)

    good luck but most of all – enjoy 08 : )

    x

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