the finish

And I am done. More or less. Two days away from loading up
the truck, and my house is a sea of boxes. Some of them are still untaped, to
allow for the last-minute loading of things that I need to keep available until
I am actually, physically in a truck and driving across the state, but for all
intents and every purpose, for most lax definitions of done, I am done. Holy

I took a minute, when I realized I was probably finished, to
stand sort of shell shocked and breathe in, and then breathe back out again.
Then I wandered the house, picking up bits of garbage, gathering together the
things I had overlooked foolishly (the robes behind the door, the sweatshirt
draped over the towel rack. There are boxes left over, and my whole house is
packed up and ready to go. Some taping shut of drawers—the file cabinet, the
little bathroom cabinet. I keep running through my to-do list, and checking and
double checking, as if I am lying to myself when I recall very clearly stacking
up my hangers, or cleaning out under the bed, or scheduling a nervous
breakdown. I need a very big drink. I am making sugar free hot cocoa. I
might top it up with Kahlua, though. I haven’t taped up the alcohol box yet! I
am no fool.

There are still things to do—I have to cancel AT&T,
still, since they never pick up. I need to return my cable modem to a pickup
center, sell six bags of books, tape up the blankets in which my pictures are
wrapped so that they don’t go flying everywhere. I need to disassemble my bed
frame and wash my garbage cans, because if they can fit, why don’t I take them?
I will take everything not nailed down, because this truck, by god, is going to
pay for itself. The chandelier! I haven’t pulled down the chandelier yet. Or tried the harness on the cat. Both these
things: collision courses with comedy. Perhaps I shall save them for when I am
needing to be cheered up.

Today, I’m going to spend the day in San Francisco.
It is supposed to be very beautiful out, and I am going to get up very early
and go say goodbye to my coffee shop people who are ridiculously cool. Then, to
the park, and to the Japanese Tea Garden, if it is open. Can you believe I’ve
never been? I’m going to hit the de Young, and then head downtown for brunch at
my favorite spot in the city. I will spend my gift certificate at H&M,
because there are no H&Ms out where the Mormons grow, then walk down to the
ferry building and look at the bay and maybe have some oysters for lunch if I’m
feeling feisty. The MOMA might still be open. Maybe I will go to the beach.

Then I will have drinks with some of the best people I know
at a bar I’m going to miss a lot, and then drinks in my neighborhood to say goodbye
to my favorite neighborhood bartender, and then I will be soused enough to not
have trouble falling asleep, tonight, surrounded by so many boxes, and after a
full day of saying goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. I’ll be back soon, but goodbye.

2 Replies to “the finish”

  1. Trying the harness on the cat is certainly going to require a collision course with comedy.

    And possibly with some blood transfusions as well.

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