paraphrased

That
was an uncomfortable conversation. Hi, can the doctor call me? Yeah, I’m freaky
looking. No, I’m fine. I think I’m fine. Probably I’m fine, but you don’t have
to beep him. I just have to ask him a question. About being freaky looking.
Okay, I’ll wait for his call.

Hi,
doctor. Thanks for getting back to me!
Yeah, I’m freaky looking. Totally. Like a freak. Totally a skeleton draped in a
rumpled sheet. Hot. Hot! No, I’ve been
eating. And taking my vitamins. And exercising eight or nine times a day,
absolutely. The grocery store can’t keep chicken on the shelves, that’s how
protein-conscious I’ve been, and I can deadlift 800 pounds and clearly I must
just be diseased or cursed or something, because I didn’t do this to myself.



I did this to myself, okay? I’m–yes, I know. I know it was dumb. I know I signed
a promise to take care of myself and no, I didn’t think it was really dopey at
the time. I took it so seriously. I did! I did. Okay, I didn’t.

My
BMI is okay? That’s awesome. No, it means I’m fine, right? Right? I can just
hang up now. I won’t hang up. I am taking notes. I am. Okay, up the calcium.
Okay, vitamins. Okay, protein at every meal, many small meals all day. I can do
that! No, really, I can. I swear I can. I am pinky swearing, you just can’t see
me. I don’t know why you should believe me. 
I am worried because I don’t entirely believe it, myself.  But protein, okay. And weight-bearing
exercise, I got it.  And strength
exercises. Okay. I wrote that down. I did not write down “And don’t be so
stupid any more,” but maybe I should.

I’ve
got a plan, doctor! I write things down, and that helps. Do you know what I’m
writing down right now? “TO DOit’s a to-do list for tomorrow. “TO DO. Take vitamins.” That’s first. “Take calcium. Protein shake. Go to body pump
class.
” So you can see how on the ball I am. I am completely on the ball. I
am tired of feeling weak and tired. I
don’t ever get tired of you telling me I’m dumb! I feel kind of dumb. I don’t want to go to bed at nine every
night. When you lose muscle mass, where
does it go? Does it just sort of melt? Does your body cannibalize it? No, don’t
tell me. Really, don’t tell me. I didn’t want to know that. I didn’t want to
know about losing my bones, either. I bet you could snap me like a twig, ha ha!
Don’t snap me like a twig, please.

I’ve
learned my lesson. No, we don’t have to have this conversation again.  I have. I will. I have to, don’t I? I want
to. That’s a powerful combination, isn’t it? No, I won’t be an idiot any more. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

One Reply to “paraphrased”

  1. Glad you called the doc. Protein, vitamins, weight lifting: ok, you can do this. I’m not done reading you yet, not by a long shot, so take care of yourself, will ya? Many years from now I want to be able to say I knew you when (“oh yeah, that famous author? She used to live in Utah with her cat!!!”)

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