It was so dark this morning, when I got up, and I couldn’t figure out why. Daylight Savings Time, I thought. Right. With the darkness. But I don’t get up so early that it should still be sun’s-a-napping time, and I don’t understand, so I will just lie here and doze, for a while, in the dim light, with my cat on my chest and my feet toasty warm, listening to–rain, yes, against the window. It’s raining, and the cars are shushing down the street, and I am so cozy that I don’t want to get up, not ever, because this is pretty much my idea of perfect in a can. Someone bring me a cup of tea and maybe a slice of thick homemade bread, toasted and covered in butter and jam. And I will lie here until my legs atrophy, drifting off into a blissful forever sleep.
Of course, that makes it harder to get any work done, and means that my to-do list is out on my desk, calling my name insistently, building up a reservoir of guilt and shame that will crash open and drown me the moment I dig myself out from under the covers and pad down the hallway and try not to look at the clock as I put the kettle on and figure out what can slide, today, and what has to be done right this second, and what was I thinking, lying in bed for so long, listening to the rain?
It is washing away what’s left of the snow, and running down the
street, and making me want to go out and clomp down the street to the
library, and then maybe go get a coffee and sit at a table by the
window and watch the slush melt away. It is definitely not making me
want to go sit at my desk and open up my files and start plugging away
at technical manuals the way I’m supposed to. But really, who wants to
work on technical manuals, well, ever?
It’s making me a little sad, too. It feels like winter is over, and
done with, has been ushered out the door and is being swept up after,
as if it was never here. It feels a little bit like it was never here–I
did not go skiing, or sledding, or snowboarding or snowshoeing or do
anything XXtreme and potentially life threatening involving snow and a
mountain and icy conditions and the possibility of sudden, traumatic
death at any moment. No snowmen, snow angels, or snowball fights or
idyllic walks in a winter wonderland, with snowflakes catching on my
nose and eyelashes.
However, I did freeze totally to death, wish I had mittens, curl up on
the couch with dogs and drink hot drinks while the snow came down, used
a storm as an excuse to not do any work, think about going out but
decide instead to stay on the couch, salt the sidewalk, shovel my steps
(by which I mean “kick snow out of the way”), have a silver white
Christmas that is slowly melting into Spring, and that is one of my
A few extra moments in bed, and then I’ll get up, shake off the guilt,
and eat breakfast, drink tea, work to the sound of the rain falling
down and the bare branches rattling outside my window in the wind.
They’re not going to be bare for much longer. And then I can lie in bed
and think about how it’s way too green to get up out of bed, and the
breeze from the window is so cool and refreshing and going straight up
my sheet and I don’t want to ever get up because isn’t this just pretty
much perfect in a can?