You guys, I said to E and J. I totally found a way to make friends. I found a group on craigslist and I want to join it.
On craigslist? It’s a singles group, E said. You’re not joining a singles group.
Mormons, J said. It’s a Mormon thing.
Single Mormons, E said.
Looking for innocent victims, J said.
No! I said. It’s not a singles group. It’s a group for people who have just moved to Salt Lake City, and they want to make friends with other people and do activities and have fun and meet other people.
It’s a singles group, E said.
No! I mean. Okay. Well, they said married couples shouldn’t join–
Ah, see, J said. Singles.
They said that so people would not–I mean, people meet each other
sometimes and they date in the group when they meet, but they’re not
meetups for having sex or anything. It’s just people getting together
and doing stuff.
Mormon stuff, J said.
nondenominational, I said. They said so right up front. That they’re
not religious. I mean, originally it was a Mormon group–
Aha! E said. –A Mormon singles group, right?
Okay, maybe it started out like that.
Aha! E said.
it was a Mormon singles group like, five years ago. But it’s evolved!
That’s what they said. It’s not that. They go bowling and do pub
crawls. So ha! Hey! They can’t be Mormons, right, because pub crawls.
I don’t think this is the kind of group you’re looking for. It sounds
like a lot of old people looking to hook up, E said.
They’re not old, I said. I don’t think they are. They bowl.
That’s what old people do, E said.
I am not old! I like to bowl. I can bowl with other people who want to bowl.
Mormons bowl, J said.
They’re not Mormons!
I’m just saying.
Okay! I won’t go.
You can go, E said. I’m just saying that maybe you don’t want to make friends with weird old single Mormons.
They could be nice Mormons who aren’t weird. They could have many interesting hobbies and ideas.
Orgies, J said. Withered old Mormon orgies.
…Yeah, I said. I don’t think I want to go anymore.
We’ll get you a puppy, E said.