naked: could you have sex every single day?

The New York Times reports on two couples who (separately) came up with the idea to embark upon a sex project. For a full year, for one couple, and 101 days for the other, they pledged to have sex every single day without fail. Without fail! No matter the weather or their moods, their proclivities or their interest, they were bound to get naked and get it on (with each other). At first blush, to me, this sounds like a brilliant idea. Sex! Every day! Without fail! No matter what, it is one of your primary obligations, like feeding the cat or taking your blood pressure medication.

I kind of feel that when you’re in a relationship, sex should be that kind of obligation, with that kind of weight and importance (notwithstanding what the word “obligation” seems to imply). For me, sex is one of the most important and vital parts of making sure a relationship is living, and breathing, that you remain connected to your partner (please forgive my reality-show language–but you know what I mean), that you both acknowledge that connection in a very visceral, physical way, as often as possible.

A relationship that I thought would last, that was very good in a lot of ways, was ultimately killed flat and dead because our sex life dwindled until it vanished altogether, and was absolutely impossible to resurrect–and that affected me deeply, in a lot of ways. It is very difficult to not assume that you’ve done something wrong, when your boyfriend doesn’t seem to want you any more. Even if that’s not the case. Even if it has nothing to do with wanting, and nothing to do with wanting you specifically, it plays merry hell with your self-esteem. So the idea of having sex, every single day? For that reason, and because sex is so nice–that sounds pretty much like heaven.

And then, it sounds a little bit like hell. 



What happens when you take desire or personal proclivity out of the
equation altogether? What if having sex has nothing to do with wanting,
and nothing to do with being wanted specifically? How can that not
start to mess with your head? It becomes an obligation, and you assume
the personal is taken out of the equation, and ironically that
impersonality, it seems to me, becomes personal.

So I’m not sure
that I entirely approve of the whole venture, except for one
thing–Charla Muller, one of the women who did this with her husband,
says in the article, “‘It required a daily kindness and forgiveness,
and not being cranky or snarky, that I don’t think either of us had
experienced before.'” And that is so interesting to me. The need for a
constant, necessary emotional connection, the need to continually
resolve conflict and make sure everything is clear and functioning
properly in an emotional kind of way. It sounds all healthy! But it
also sounds, well, exhausting.

What do you guys think? Could
you have sex every day, or would it drive you batty? Too much
togetherness? Too much work? Too much chafing?

  6 comments for “naked: could you have sex every single day?

  1. moo
    June 10, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    my boyfriend and i have sex just about every day, sometimes twice a day which would make up for any days we don’t do it! we both have extremely high sex drives i think…but also, i’m not the kind of girl who says “no” unless i just don’t feel well or extremely busy or something. i’ll let him take me even if i’m not looking to get off myself (sometimes i even fall asleep in the middle if i’m too tired…but i still don’t mind if he continues). i think he really (!) appreciates that about me. i think there are all kinds of sex – romantic, fun, passionate, quickies, kinky – it’s like a hobby we enjoy doing together! hehe ;)

  2. holls
    June 10, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    I can do ~almost~ every day,
    but I personally require a menstrual moratorium.

  3. M.
    June 10, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    There are days right before my period when I’m either leaping on with wild abandon, or it’s don’t-fucking-touch-me-nothing’s-going-in-there. And there’s no rhyme or reason. It’s just that the hormones get all funky and it’s either one or the other.
    And there’s no sex when I bleed.
    Also, define sex. Vaginal intercourse? Oral? Manual? Anal?

  4. June 11, 2008 at 6:31 am

    Nah thats too much for me lol

  5. Elk
    June 12, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    I’m a guy.

  6. Kelly
    June 13, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    Twice a day is my idea of heaven. Except for when one is sick, or in pain, or mourning, or etc. Twice a day would be just right.

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