whee! fit

I love my Wii, and I love things that are shiny, so I signed up to be alerted, via text message, when the Wii Fit would be in stock on Amazon. One bright afternoon last week, I finally caught the text just as it came in, texted back as fast as lightning, and the Wii Fit was mine! At-home fitness via happy fun times! I could work out in my underpants.

As soon as the sucker arrived, I hooked it up, plugged it in, synchronized the Wii Fit board, and climbed on top of it. As soon as it told me it was about to weigh me, I climbed off and stripped down, because I am not, in fact, to my great embarrassment, immune to a machine’s judgment. We got through that, and then I took a balance test (it did not ask me if I was drunk and have an inner ear disorder, but I sensed its dark thoughts), it gave me my Wii Age (old) and then asked me for my goals.

My goals? We can stand here and talk about my goals if you want,
machine. I have a lot of goals, and aspirations. I have many big
dreams. Someday, I’d like to–what? You mean a weight-related goal?
Goddamnit. I chose “maintain,” and I chose “two weeks,” and I finally
made it to the screen with all the available exercises, and I realized
that I didn’t actually want to do any of these. It didn’t seem fun,
anymore, the idea of getting some exercise in via a video game. It felt
kind of like I was being silently judged and found wanting. It felt
like the Nintendo could see me standing there, flabby and unbalanced,
in my underpants.

I pushed the balance board under my television
stand, and it’s sat there for a week now, waiting for me to climb back
on, to be scolded for not playing for so long, to get weighed again, to
perform aerobic feats before its critical gaze and be told that I have
aged in Nintendo years and what is wrong with me? Probably I’ll get
over my self-consciousness, and remember that I am not, in fact, being
actually judged. And then maybe I’ll even come to terms with the fact
that no matter how you package it, exercise for exercising’s sake just isn’t fun, okay? So get over it and get on it.

  11 comments for “whee! fit

  1. Em
    September 11, 2008 at 10:45 am

    Seriously, it’s a piece of equipment. It’s not there to judge you, it’s there to help you.

    I don’t get all this low self esteem. Everything you write seems to be an utter angst fest and while I understand there are times that are tough this is a lot of negativity coming from someone who has accomplished a lot of positive things. Give the actual fitness portion a try before you give up in a spat of negativity on how it wanted your weight and goals so it could program your workout accurately. Fuck.

  2. Becky
    September 11, 2008 at 10:58 am

    I LOVE my Wii Fit! Talking about judging you… when running on Wii Fit, there’s no little blonde girls in spandex running on the treadmills around you, watching your ass jiggle as you try to jog/run. Yes I LOVE the jog feature on Wii Fit. Did you even unlock everything? You know there’s a timed jog in which you can watch TV while jogging and it’ll tell you when 30 mins is up. Oh man! That is SO much more fun than watching the communal TVs in my gym, usually tuned to sports, usually a mile away, and I don’t need headphones. And let’s talk about the rhythm boxing, ok? How much fun it is to pretend you’re punching the crap out of something? A LOT!! And the 10 minute mode… doesn’t even feel like 10 minutes. By the time I finish a 10 minute jog, 10 minute rhythm boxing, 10 minute hula hoop, (by far the WORST one.. but I do it.. I can’t enjoy exercise 100% of the time, right? ;) and Advanced step… I’ve done 45 minutes of a workout, and I’m very sweaty. It’s wonderful to be able to get a sweat-inducing, non-boring workout right from home. Def. saves in gym fees, and it IS FUN!!

    Machines don’t judge you.. people do. And Nintendo honestly doesn’t care if you’re fat or fit. I personally don’t like being judged by the people in the gym, or joggers on the street.. but I suppose, people look to be offended… *shrug*

  3. September 11, 2008 at 11:20 am

    I did see the WIRED wiki has a topic called something like How to Cheat at WiiFit — I twittered (alexia_i) about why, but maybe I should send the link? ;-) Hang in there. You own it, it doesn’t own you.

  4. Anonymous
    September 11, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Becky, thanks for your comments that actually describe the activities involved in Wii Fit. I have a Wii and have been meaning to try it. As others have mentioned, feeling as though you are being judged in the complete privacy of your own living room seems to evaluate the mentality of the person as opposed to an actual evaluation of Wii Fit. I was hoping for a basic review of the game that might be helpful to a wide range of physical fitness levels, but was disappointed to get a review that was more self-centered than fit-centered.

  5. Anne
    September 11, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Are you guys serious? This was meant as a humorous post. I do not actually think my wii is judging me. And it was not meant to be a review. There are many fine reviews of the wii fit out there on the internet. Here is one: http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-05-20/screens/nintendo-s-wii-fit-ignites-yet-another-fitness-fad/

    I am sure the google will turn up dozens–hundreds–thousands! more, for your edification and enlightenment.

  6. Anonymous
    September 11, 2008 at 12:38 pm

    I have Wii Fit and I’ve found that you only have to get weighed the first time you make a character. After that you can always skip the fitness assessment. You’ll still get to unlock everything. And the game still keeps track of when you get a new best time or break a previous record so you know if you are getting better. Also, if you don’t want to get weighed the first time (I hate how the game bases the look of your character on your BMI) just tell the game that you are a five-year-old, enter a corresponding height, and then stack 35 lbs. of books on the balance board. That way you’ll retain the cartoony look that your mii has in other wii games.

  7. Jen
    September 11, 2008 at 12:48 pm

    I didn’t get the humor either, actually, it sounded like you were really very sad about this.

    I am a little baffled at the popularity of this thing because it’s so expensive. People tell me, “You can do yoga on it!” and I say, “I have a yoga mat and it cost me $20” But I guess it’s cheaper than a gym membership if you like it.

  8. kb
    September 11, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    it did sound like you were very sad about this, mostly because of recent posts-they’ve sounded sad to me, probably some by intent, others not so much. anyway, if you want a review I’d say-do it if you’re just starting out, but their focus is very much on making sure you don’t do too much, so if you’re already a pretty big exerciser, this is just going to be not worth it.

  9. anon
    September 11, 2008 at 2:39 pm

    For fuck’s sake, have you people even read any of her stuff here on Elastic Waist before you made your comments? She’s been posting a long time and her sense of humor is pretty evident. I think some of you better go look for yours.

  10. anxia
    September 12, 2008 at 7:40 am

    Pfeww… I’m relieved ! I thought you really hated your wii-fit and how can you hate that lovely little thing that waves at you and chats with you before making you sweat ?

    I love my wii-fit. I especially love the boxing workout. Have a go, it’s fun, it’s a great cardio workout (esp. the extreme, 10 minutes program). The step dancing is cool too.

    And the gym exercises are pretty good and efficient. I’m a workout nut, I’ve always excercised but after the first few wii workouts, I felt achey all over which is a good sign…

  11. Leaf
    September 21, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    This post had me laughing….especially with you stripping down to get weighed. And the feeling the ninentendo was judging you while you stood their in your underwear. I think I would have had the same feelings.

    What I find sad that people can’t find the humor in this blog…it’s called self-effacing people.

    Anne, keep it up. Thanks for the laugh.

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