lists of five

Five People (Dead or Alive) I Would Invite to My Ideal Dinner Party (Catered)

  1. Margaret Mead
  2. Maria Callas
  3. Dorothy Parker
  4. Rue McClanahan
  5. Bret Michaels

Five Things I Like About My Body (Biologically Speaking)

  1. The exchange of oxygen for carbon dioxide
  2. Clotting
  3. The orgasmic response
  4. The REM sleep cycle
  5. Serotonin 

Five Things I Am Afraid Of

  1. Fire
  2. Dying in a fire
  3. Zombies
  4. People I love turning into zombies and then dying in a fire that I have to set
  5. Fly balls



Five Books That Make Me Happy

  1. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
  2. If on a winter’s night a traveler
  3. Pride and Prejudice
  4. Alice in Wonderland
  5. The Oxford English Dictionary (to lick)

Five Impressions I Have Attempted

  1. Steve McQueen
  2. Robert DeNiro
  3. A soccer hooligan
  4. A fluorescent light bulb
  5. A goth

Five Things I Have Done at Work (Instead of Working)

  1. Wrote and illustrated a Post-It note flip book, entitled “The
    Colander,” the story of an immortal Scottish strainer who must confront
    the last of his opponents
  2. Memorized pi to 27 digits
  3. Compiled a list of my favorite adjectives
  4. Planned my escape route from the building in the event of a robot apocalypse
  5. Alphabetized a list of my favorite adjectives

Five of My Favorite Adjectives (Not Alphabetical)

  1. execrable
  2. unprepossessing
  3. resplendent
  4. hebetudinous
  5. dopey-looking

Five Things I Like About My Body (Morphologically Speaking)

  1. I have good legs
  2. My hands are graceful
  3. Green eyes, which sometimes look gray, and sometimes look blue
  4. My butt shows no signs of quitting
  5. My tattoos, which rule

Five Awfulnesses I Would Eradicate Immediately, If Given the Opportunity and a Little Red Button

  1. The horsemen and each of their individual apocalyptic activities
  2. Cold sores
  3. The five-day work week
  4. The lack of teleportation technology in the world
  5. Dances with Wolves

Five Things I Wish I Had But Do Not

  1. An international movie career, possibly in porn
  2. Polyglottism
  3. Grace
  4. The ability to tell jokes without ruining the punchline
  5. The power over who lives and who dies

Five Ways to Win My Eternal Affection, Eternally

  1. Give me candy with stuff inside
  2. Tell me something I needed to hear when I didn’t realize I needed to hear it
  3. Puns
  4. Name your puppy “Taco”
  5. Notice my awesome shoes, which are awesome

Five Halloween Costumes E Rejected Before Deciding on “Surf and Turf”

  1. King of the Hawkmen
  2. Boba Fett, if he had made it to retirement
  3. Lobster + Steak = Sex
  4. King of the Hobos
  5. Ewok tosser

Five Fails That I Enjoy Anyway

  1. Karaoke
  2. Bowling
  3. Telling jokes without ruining the punchline
  4. Returning emails
  5. The Charleston

My Five Favorite Expressions

  1. Sounds like a party
  2. Your mom
  3. Awesome!
  4. Everyone wins!
  5. Cheese and crackers!

Five Things I Will Be When I Grow Up

  1. A princess ballerina contract killer
  2. An astronaut opera singer garbage truck driving spy
  3. A doctor cowgirl circus lawyer
  4. James Bond
  5. Oreo Inspector

Five Things On My Life-Long To-Do List

  1. Drive a helicopter into the side of a mountain
  2. Discover a cheese mine
  3. Write, produce, direct and star in a one-woman, an all-singing, all-dancing adaptation of Finnegan’s Wake, called Wake UP!
  4. Quaff
  5. Be totally happy

What’s on your list?

  7 comments for “lists of five

  1. October 29, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    OMG! too funny! here’s the list of My Five Favorite Things From This Post:

    1. People I love turning into zombies and then dying in a fire that I have to set.
    2. The Oxford English Dictionary (to lick)
    3. Planned my escape route from the building in the event of a robot apocalypse
    4. Notice my awesome shoes, which are awesome (those shoes ARE totally awesome, btw!)
    5. Tie: Discover a cheese mine/Write, produce, direct and star in a one-woman, an all-singing, all-dancing adaptation of Finnegan’s Wake, called Wake UP!

  2. Brandi
    October 29, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    OMFG Anne, you seriously crack me up! I don’t think I’ve read anything that you’ve written that I didn’t like!

    5 Movies I could live without:
    1) Star Wars (all of them actually)
    2) Napoleon Dynamite
    3) Waterworld
    4) Stop or My Mom Will Shoot
    5) Howard the Duck

    5 Movies I CAN’T live without:
    1) Hope Floats
    2) Super Troopers
    3) Smokey and the Bandit
    4) Jeremiah Johnson
    5) See No Evil, Hear No Evil

    5 Favorite punchlines:
    1) “wrecked em? damn near killed em!”
    2) “No, but I’ve been swung around by the nipples
    a few times!”
    3) “Got any duck food?”
    4) “And if I could swim, I’d come out there and
    kick your ass!”
    5) “Cause he’s a liar!!”

  3. Anonymous
    October 29, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    5 favorite pairs of Adidas sneakers from my collection:
    1. Wilhelm Bungert in tennis court motif, (wearing now actually).
    2. Nastase Originals in white and navy mesh, the ones that started the whole craze for me.
    3. Superstar Lux Vintage Camo, had to have these sent over from England.
    4. Adicolor Winner designed by Ari Lankin. Only 25 pairs made! I have been told mine are the only ones in my size in existence.
    5. Adria in black and white polka dot, the “cutest” pair I own.

    5 TV shows I really loved that went away too soon:
    1. Arrested Development
    2. Firefly
    3. Chappelle’s Show
    4. Deadwood
    5. Veronica Mars

    5 favorite hair colors I have had:
    1. old-lady grey (so badass, but almost impossible to keep)
    2. red (also cool, but gets on everything)
    3. platinum blonde (the easiest to keep and no bleeding)
    4. magenta
    5. dark steel blue

    5 favorite hockey players:
    1. Sergei Nemchinov
    2. Steve Yzerman
    3. Slava Kozlov
    4. Martin St Louis
    5. Pavel Datsyuk

    5 favorite dinosaurs:
    1. Tyrannosaurus Rex
    2. Albertosaurus
    3. Allosaurus
    4. Styracosaurus
    5. Stegosaurus

  4. alysha
    October 29, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    that’s me above. i am a bit slow today.

  5. Anonymous
    October 29, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    5 reasons I love my husband

    1. amazing smile
    2.kind
    3.sexy
    4.funny
    5.best hugger ever :)

  6. MOM
    October 30, 2008 at 11:36 am

    FIVE REASON I STILL MISS MY HUSBAND/YOUR DAD:
    1. Supported me in all I wanted to do
    2. Always thought of his family first
    3. Blonde hair, blue eyes
    4. Sexy
    5. Tight ass

  7. Robin
    October 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    The part you fear is close to mine. I’m afraid of Zombies. And really afraid of people I love turning to zombie. I have a flash card set of “zombie survival kit”. Have you seen that? People laugh at me, but they freak me out. I had dreams about my mom being a zombie (after she died in real life). Those are terrible nightmares.

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