A few weeks back, I asked you guys a very important question, upon which a lot hung. I said, do I want Jillian Michaels to shred me? And your answer, overwhelmingly, was “SHE IS AN ANIMAL.” By which I mean, two thumbs up and a high five–basically, yes, you said. Jillian Michaels is going to kick your ass, and you are going to love every minute of it.
I took your advice to heart, because you guys are not only extremely attractive but also ridiculously smart, and I decided that okay, I did want Jillian Michaels to shred me. Take me, Jillian Michaels, and sculpt me into the living embodiment of your toned and terrifyingly strong image! Make me your mouthpiece here on earth! Unfortunately, that’s about as far as I got, the whole sure, why not? stage of my carefully planned out exercise routine. You can’t rush these things, you know. You’ll get a cramp. Pull something. Throw out your back. And that would be so terrible.
The irony is that I decided to check out the DVD because I was not
having much luck working the gym into my schedule, and the problem with
starting the DVD was that I needed the appropriate equipment, and
wasn’t having much luck working going out and getting a mat and a set
of hand weights into my schedule, either. So weeks, somehow, slipped
by, and I felt my entire body sort of do a full-length sigh and
collapse into a puddle of tallow hanging from each of my joints. Guilt,
despair, reveling in the absolute and glorious pleasure of not exerting
yourself physically in any way whatsoever.
But yesterday, a pit
stop at the sporting goods store, and I got everything I
need–comfortable hand weights, a small splurgy cushy mat to give me no
excuses when doing floor exercises, and the DVD. And on
Sunday night, here I am with a cat tucked under my arm, watching it
through out of morbid curiosity, and my eyes are wide and my jaw is
sort of swinging at the end of its hinge and mostly what I’m thinking
is really? For serious? Really, for serious? I’m going to try this,
tomorrow morning? And the answer is yes. Yes, I am. As you read this,
it is possible I am lying on my living room floor, too broken to crawl
to the phone and call for help. Wish me luck, you guys.