smoking is bad for me

It’s not like I look sexy when I do it (I feel maybe a little sexy, but I know I look far from sexy). It’s not like it fulfills me, makes me feel good, or satisfies me. In fact, it bankrupts me, makes me feel light-headed and kind of ick, and it is the furthest thing from satisfying to leave the house smelling like flowers and end up smelling like ashtrays. And yet, I continue to smoke. I buy a pack, I smoke a pack, I buy a pack, I smoke a pack, steady as a metronome. That ticking sound you hear? The counting off of the minutes of my life every puff snips off the end.

I am aware that it’s a filthy habit, and I continue to maintain it,
despite the fact that my boyfriend refuses to wear a seatbelt while I
continue to smoke. “As long as you risk your life, I’ll risk mine.” The
thought panics me, him being in an accident. I keep telling him, “I’m
going to quit! I will! Stop pressuring me! Wear your seatbelt!! I
shriek. I have a nic fit. I smoke a cigarette. There’s a part of me
that doesn’t want to quit, especially when you tell me how bad it is for me and how very much I should.

going to quit. I will. Stop pressuring me. I always quit, when I’m
ready to quit. I’m almost ready to quit, you know. I finished my pack
last night–I gave away half of it. I haven’t had any today. Am I on my
way to being smoke-free? Shh! Don’t pressure me. Give me candy, because
I feel a craving coming on.

10 Replies to “smoking is bad for me”

  1. Hang in there! I’m proof it can be done. I’m almost 11 years a non-smoker now and it was worth it. My husband smokes, and I know eventually he will quit, it’s hard sometimes when I know how much happier he would be if he quit, but you are right, you can’t pressure someone into it or it will never stick. Like I said, hang in there. If you are really ready you’ll make it. :) Good luck!

  2. Come by the CWC for your lunch break and I’ll buy you German chocolate with hazelnuts and other kinds of European goodness, a diet coke/pepsi, and anything else your craving heart desires. I know quitting sucks, CWC visitations help! :-)

    Good luck friend!

  3. I quit 6 years ago. You know what’s the best thing? Not being a slave to those nic fits! Flying coast to coast without wanting to crawl out onto the wing and have just one drag of sweet, sweet tar and nicotine! Not running to the store at an ungodly hour because you’re out of smokes! Health be damned–I’m just SO glad to be free of the addiction! Best of luck to you; you may have a rough couple weeks at first, but totally worth it.

  4. I completely agree with Marty above.

    I quit 4 years ago. I was not a pack-a-day smoker. I smoked 1 to 4 cigarettes a day for 5 years. A pack always lasted me a week, so it wasn’t the huge financial drain that it can be on serious smokers. But still.

    My (at the time) boyfriend was a serious smoker. At least a pack a day. When we would go to the movies, he would always dash out of his seat when the credits rolled, which sucked, because I enjoy watching the credits and usually stay until the very end. So I would either watch them alone or dash out with him.

    It was actually witnessing his addiction that made me so aware of it—the way he couldn’t follow a conversation after dinner because he was thinking about slipping out to have a smoke; or seeing him crawl out of our warm bed to trudge off in the rain to buy a pack first thing on a Sunday morning. He turned down a trip to Australia with my family in at least some part because he didn’t think he could make it through a 13-hour flight smoke-free.

    I saw the addiction in him. And while, yes, I knew it was gross; and yes, I knew it was bad for me, neither of those was motivation enough for me to quit. But watching his addiction was.

    I am completely willing to let myself down. I do it all the time. But letting down my friends is another matter altogether. So the key, for me, was to tell EVERYBODY that I was quitting — to know that people would know I had failed if I didn’t manage to quit. And it worked.

    It’s not easy. The psychological part was the toughest for me. And I won’t lie… If I’m drunk, I still occasionally want one. But by FAR the best part of quitting is getting rid of the monkey. Now when I dash out of the theater when the credits roll, it is because I have to pee!

  5. Not that I’m exactly recommending this, but if you couple quitting with another traumatic life event you really don’t notice. I quit nearly five years ago when I found out my fiance was cheating on me. I was absolutely devastated and holed up in my apartment for over a week. I ran out of cigarettes on the second day, and when I finally woke up from my stupor a week later, I was a nonsmoker. I don’t remember any withdraws, I don’t remember any cravings. I don’t really remember any of it at all really.

  6. I quit using cinnamon sticks. They’re about the same size as the cigarette and if you suck on it for too long it starts to numb your mouth a bit which breaks you from the oral fixation.

  7. I sort of never aimed to quit. Well, I mean, I was sort of shruggy about it, and I never said, “I’m going to quit” without also making a joke about “Until my next cigarette!” What I did do was make little rules. Don’t smoke alone. Don’t smoke while the sun is shining. Then Toronto became smoke-free, so that made it a little harder to dash out for a ciggie. Then I only smoked when I travelled, so I never smoked Canadian cigarettes. Well, I never bought Canadian cigarettes. If I was with a smoker, and they offered, I’d say yes. Then, the next time, I’d only say yes to a few of them. Then, the next time, I’d only say yes to one. But I never said I was going to quit. Because, if there’s one thing I can guarantee you, it’s this: if I told you I was going to quit, I’d have an open pack in my purse within a day.

  8. I quit smoking (at least on a daily basis) about 3 months ago. It’s not that long ago, but considering that: a) I had been a half-a-pack-a-day smoker for the last 9 years, and b) I had never consented – or even considered! – to quitting until now, it IS a big deal for me.

    What did it?, you may ask, What made me budge? It wasn’t the pleading on behalf of my husband and his family. It wasn’t my stepmom’s proud example (she herself had been a smoker for decades, and up and quit one day without giving it a second thought). It wasn’t my friends’ counsel and advice…

    I went swimming after almost 10 years out of the water, and after only 50 meters, I could hardly breathe: THAT did it for me. I stopped smoking right then and there, and the resolution has carried through some shaky times (two deaths in the family, being unemployed, etc). I’ve had a few social cigarettes, but in these 3 months, they total less than 5 cigarettes, so I’m pretty sure I beat the habit. What has given me strength is the goal of feeling that I can do the things I used to do at 20 again, now at 30.

    Don’t pressure yourself harshly: listen to your body. In the end, your body WILL tell you what’s best for you.

  9. Like Diana, I only quit a few months ago, but I feel like I’ve definitely kicked the habit. I smoked in association with doing other things – driving, after eating, while having a drink, when I was bored. So day by day, I just had to find different ways to do my routine without smoking. Jolly ranchers really helped with the oral fixation part of it!!! There are also some great sites about quitting and what withdrawal symptoms you might go through. Knowing what was coming was the best way for me to prepare. Anyway, the most important thing about quitting is to do it when YOU’RE ready – good luck!!

  10. whine, it’s really hard to quit. I quit September 3rd and I can’t promise that its forever, because still, everytime my best friend goes out for one, I go out too for the socialization, but I don’t smoke, I just stand there while he does. So it’s hard, and I don’t remember what pushed me to do it so much, except maybe when same best friend accused me of quitting then going back to it as soon as times got a little tough. It’s a bitch and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

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