just what i needed

Thumbnail image for 3125998925_e7bc2cd627.jpgSince I moved to Utah, I have been inviting people to come visit Utah. Come visit Utah! I say. It has got fry sauce and mountains! Mormons and me!
You will love Utah! You will come because of a sense of obligation and
because you feel a little bit sorry for me, the way that I live in
Utah, but you will want to stay for the “scones” (deep-fried sugary bread) and how cute I look in my giant white down jacket that looks more like a comforter and less like an article of clothing.

Weirdly, I wasn’t really taken up on my offer, and I can’t imagine why. When Mo Pie and I talked about seeing Twilight–we
share a sick fascination for its magnificent awfulness and
balls-to-the-wall determination to be thoroughly offensive in every
possible way–we said how cool it would be, if she came to visit and we
saw the movie and we had a weekend where I could go look, here is my
town and my house and my life and how things are for me.
I spend a lot
of time talking and writing and telling about how it is and where I
live and what I do, but I have had the urge and the desire and the
need–I don’t even know why, and I wish I did–to take someone around
and show them and say look, this is what I am talking about, do you

It is my shameful secret that I didn’t think it would
work out. Holidays are coming, cash is tight, time is tight, who has
the energy to go away for a weekend. It would have been unsurprising,
sad, understandable if we couldn’t have worked it out anytime soon.
But it worked–suddenly, Pie had tickets and we had a plan, and she was
flying out for a whirlwind, in early on Saturday, out late on Sunday,
and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Having one of the
people in the world that I love the best, who I trust, with whom I can
talk about every little thing and larger thing come was so exactly what
I had needed.

This has been a hard few months for me. Everything
fine and fine and fine and then suddenly, everything going wrong around
me and in me and far too close to me, to people who don’t
deserve the kind of awfulness that has been visited upon them. Things
have been feeling out of control and far too difficult; I have been
feeling unrelentingly panicked, helpless, hopeless, scared. I was
keeping it together, I think. I honestly don’t know how much longer I
could have kept it together. I’ve been wallowing and worrying, stalking
around my life tying things up with bits of string and tape and I
needed a break, so badly, before I broke.

And then this
weekend came along, and Mo Pie came to visit. There is nothing in the
world, really, like an old friend who knows you
so perfectly well, with whom you feel so comfortable, who settles you
and lets you breathe. We ate good food and drank good drinks and saw
the brilliantly, howlingly funny Twilight
featuring Robert Pattinson’s hair. We played board games and shouted
and drank wine and talked a lot. We had brunch and drove through the
canyon and bought soundtracks to the movie and made Art and talked more
and had dinner and everyone said “Mo, you should move here. Mo, you
ought not to go home. Why don’t you stay?” We all wish she could have

It was such a good weekend. Even though I feel
everything creeping back, all the stuff I have to deal with, and all
the stuff I have to come to terms with and all the things that are out
of my control, I can handle it. I’ve got a recharge and a refresh, and
the soundtrack to Twilight.

3 Replies to “just what i needed”

  1. I had a similar weekend — an dear friend came to visit, and it was so wonderful. I actually started to cry when we said goodbye. And we both share the sick Twlight fascination, too, although I have to say that I think the last book was one of the worst things I have ever read in my entire life.
    Anyway, yes, it was wonderful, and I am glad you had a similarly great time.

  2. I’m going to Utah in January for the Sundance Film Festival. I’m offering to buy you a coffee or a drink in a cowboy bar if you’re at all inclined to come into Park City for a bit. ;-)
    I also hate all the “stuff” that needs to be dealt with. And I just twittered that all I want for Christmas is a magical pony that poops gold coins and dollar bills. ;-)
    Happy Holidays!

  3. Love going to Utah, especially SLC–my sister lives there with her husband and daughter. Was there in September for neice’s birthday and what a wonderful long weekend. Much like the feeling you get with Mo Pie. I’d love to get out there more often–the Wasatch Mountains, not to mention the fabulous view from their front porch, even though it’s a humble home in the middle of town, those mountains, squeeee!

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