I’m lucky if I’ve resolved to get out of bed every day, and stick to it. But there’s something about this time of year that makes me think that Things Are Possible and Hope Is In The Air and All Wishes Can Come True, so I am going to make some resolutions for the month of December that are more kind of like wishes and hopes and beautiful dreams that maybe will be realized if Santa pays me a visit, or if maybe I put down my figgy pudding and get on it.

Plus, it’s a busy season, full of busy-ness and many things to do, so probably making an actual list of the doing that needs to be done (instead of having a vague and amorphous Plan in my head that amounts, in the end, to me drinking a lot of eggnog and wondering if there’s some place I was supposed to have been right now) would be a smart and useful thing to do, am I right? I am so right.

1. Remain right. This one’s easy! I’m always right, and I like to win.

2. The Giving Tree. My office is organizing a massive charitable giving extravaganza; I have plucked five stars off the tree, each of which represents a child’s wish (and some of them are depressing as hell: 11-year-old boy, package of underwear); I will follow through awesomely, though rather less extravagantly than I would have liked, which is very sad.

3. Holiday cards! They will celebrate Festivus, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, the Carol of the Bells, the Solstice, the New Year, the Love in My Heart For All Mankind, and they will go out to remind everyone I love that I love them. I think I need your address, please.

4. A tree, a tree, a tree with many lights, a tree. I have to go to the tree place and pick out a tree and haul it up the stairs and decorate it. OTHERWISE CHRISTMAS WILL BE CANCELLED. Or I will be sad. Either or. I will set up my pink and sparkly tree in the dining room, the smelly happy goodtime tree in the living room, and I will be so overcome with holiday cheer I will begin to crap tinsel and tiny, toy-making elves.

5. Sort through my closet and follow-through on my plan to Pay it Forward. Need clothes? Need to give away clothes? Check out The Great Clothing Swap and comment, contact commenters, get the fashion flowing just like the spice. That was a nerd joke, and I apologize for it.

There. Those are reasonable goals that will make me feel fulfilled and happy and like a good person who is, additionally, happy and fulfilled. And that’s really all anyone can ask for, am I right? Besides your very own space shuttle.

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