the weirdest thing

You know what I’ve been craving? I mean, above and beyond Butterfinger miniatures, peace and quiet, world peace, a never-ending bowl of happiness into which I can dunk my head and never come back up, and more Butterfinger miniatures? You’re not going to believe me. Surely you jest, you will say, or, Clearly this is opposite day! or, “Pull the other one, it has got bells on,” or you will burst into tears because you never thought our friendship would shatter like this, under the weight of such a terrible lie.

But it’s true, it really is–I’ve been craving exercise. I want to go to the gym. The idea of sweating is a pleasant one; to me, the words “gym shorts” do not make me shudder; the thought of climbing up on a treadmill and running exactly like a happy little hamster at PetCo who believes deep down in his tiny little heart that someday he will make it to where he is going and when he does the streets will be paved with hummus, is a pleasant and inspiring one. I want to lift heavy things! I want to put them back down! I want to Iyengar the hell out of my Ashtanga. I want to do the magic exercise that makes me stop feeling so anxious and jittery. I want to find the magic exercise that makes me happy and at peace. And I want to punch something really hard in a productive and healthy manner.

There is, however, a very large divide between the wanting and the doing, the idea and the act itself, thinking about something and then getting up off your ass and actually performing those very important tasks that you have envisioned yourself doing. As it turns out, the envisioning (even if it is 3D surround-sound with RumbleAction and real, heated explosions!) is not so much the en-doing. You could even argue that it is exactly the opposite. If you want to make me cry. Please don’t make me cry.

What I can do is see this as a beginning, the short path to the new vista that will open up before me, which is called Health and Well-Being. It is like a valley of eternal spring, populated by Vivaldi-singing unicorns for riding, and piles of dark chocolate-covered almonds that are even better for you than broccoli, and rainbows made of bacon. The difference between this new beginning and all the other new beginnings I have begun is that this time, I am starting out with more than good intentions: this time, I am actually going to make a plan of action that involves action, and action is what I crave, just like Spiderman. And that means that it’s going to work! I will be doing something I want to do, rather than something I ought to be doing and how can this plan fail? That was a trick question because it can’t fail! That’s the beauty of this plan!

The other beautiful thing is that I bet if I lie down for awhile with a cold cloth on my head and a basket of cookies on my nightstand, it will pass! But maybe this time I won’t let it. Crazier things have happened. In the meantime, I’m going to go take a couple of laps around the office, see if that helps. Or if I find any cupcakes.

  3 comments for “the weirdest thing

  1. Jackie
    December 17, 2008 at 11:22 am

    Hahahaha… this post made me laugh. I always say, The hardest part about going to the gym is getting ass in the gym. Sometimes, you just have to numb the mind put on your gym clothes, put on your shoes, grab your water & ipod and just GO already! I think that these visions of running on treadmill like and little hamster and loving it are great illustration of what your mind/heart is telling you what you desire. I can tell you that I have felt the same exact way about wanting that feeling of, I’m exercising not because its good for my health, but because I want to and I love it. Now I can say that isn’t always the case in the beginning when you’re starting a routine, but about 3 weeks in that is when it starts getting really good. You start loving the thought of running on treadmill or that hour long spin class with the crazy teacher. Your legs are sore, but it’s a good sore!
    So I say, give into that urge… don’t let it pass! It may be the best thing that has ever happened to you! And who knows maybe you’ll become that little hamster you dreamt of ;P

  2. LDNY
    December 17, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    I also find myself craving exercise these days. What’s worse, is that I also find myself craving WATER. All those years of downing Diet Coke all day long and all of a sudden I feel parched if I haven’t had at least 2 litters of water. I used to hate water. I couldn’t drink plain water without my gag reflex kicking in. And now it’s like mother’s milk to me. Crazy!

  3. M.
    December 18, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    There are definitely worse things you could be craving. I say just get up and do it. You’ll be a kajillion times more focused and productive afterward.

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