You know what I’ve been craving? I mean, above and beyond Butterfinger miniatures, peace and quiet, world peace, a never-ending bowl of happiness into which I can dunk my head and never come back up, and more Butterfinger miniatures? You’re not going to believe me. Surely you jest, you will say, or, Clearly this is opposite day! or, “Pull the other one, it has got bells on,” or you will burst into tears because you never thought our friendship would shatter like this, under the weight of such a terrible lie.
But it’s true, it really is–I’ve been craving exercise. I want to go to the gym. The idea of sweating is a pleasant one; to me, the words “gym shorts” do not make me shudder; the thought of climbing up on a treadmill and running exactly like a happy little hamster at PetCo who believes deep down in his tiny little heart that someday he will make it to where he is going and when he does the streets will be paved with hummus, is a pleasant and inspiring one. I want to lift heavy things! I want to put them back down! I want to Iyengar the hell out of my Ashtanga. I want to do the magic exercise that makes me stop feeling so anxious and jittery. I want to find the magic exercise that makes me happy and at peace. And I want to punch something really hard in a productive and healthy manner.
There is, however, a very large divide between the wanting and the doing, the idea and the act itself, thinking about something and then getting up off your ass and actually performing those very important tasks that you have envisioned yourself doing. As it turns out, the envisioning (even if it is 3D surround-sound with RumbleAction and real, heated explosions!) is not so much the en-doing. You could even argue that it is exactly the opposite. If you want to make me cry. Please don’t make me cry.
What I can do is see this as a beginning, the short path to the new vista that will open up before me, which is called Health and Well-Being. It is like a valley of eternal spring, populated by Vivaldi-singing unicorns for riding, and piles of dark chocolate-covered almonds that are even better for you than broccoli, and rainbows made of bacon. The difference between this new beginning and all the other new beginnings I have begun is that this time, I am starting out with more than good intentions: this time, I am actually going to make a plan of action that involves action, and action is what I crave, just like Spiderman. And that means that it’s going to work! I will be doing something I want to do, rather than something I ought to be doing and how can this plan fail? That was a trick question because it can’t fail! That’s the beauty of this plan!
The other beautiful thing is that I bet if I lie down for awhile with a cold cloth on my head and a basket of cookies on my nightstand, it will pass! But maybe this time I won’t let it. Crazier things have happened. In the meantime, I’m going to go take a couple of laps around the office, see if that helps. Or if I find any cupcakes.