well-moisturized

In the past few years, I have become a person who moisturizes. For
years I would spring from the shower and into my clothes and dive out
the door, because sleeping until the last moment and spending little to
no time on grooming or maintenence seemed to me to be a waste of
valuable time and non-renewable resources. Why slather up my body with
expensive lotions when my skin was perfectly adequate, making moisture
all on its own? Who cared about my delicate under-eye area, and if my
oil-slick face ever required any kind of extra lubrication,
then it was the end of the world or nigh unto it, and I ought to start
coming up with some way to redeem my immortal soul.

But then I aged. I am thirty-mumble, which is just a handful of years
away from mumble, and while my skin has not shown any signs of kindly
reducing oil production and spots, it has simultaneously become cranky,
crepe-y and lined.  At the same time, I have lost a lot weight rapidly,
and skin that is not thoroughly moisturized bounces back less well than
skin that is well-oiled daily. Of course if you tell me
that I am going to become a maniacal devotee of the body lotion, if not
a full-blown addict.


There are bottles and bottles of tried and rejected lotions and potions
and unguents for every part of my body, under the sink. I have explored
every option for keeping skin soft and bodies supple and eyes bright
and alive and awake and unwrinkled. I would try puppy blood, if they
could promise me that it would stave off puppet lines until the end of
time. When did I become so vain, so high-maintenence, so worried about
things like this? It takes so much time, in the morning. It takes
reserves of cash, the fortitude for a regular routine, a sense of
detail and organization both in the moment–what tube goes where and
how much and in what order and let’s keep it together people–and in
general. You have to monitor the effectiveness of your products, the
state of your skin for any changes, your level of attractiveness vis a
vis your current and recent application of a beauty routine. You have
to quit your job and spend all day in your bathrobe in front of the
mirror, ready to spring into action the moment a fine line appears,
because otherwise you have lost and might as well just go out in your
underpants, chewing on a chicken bone and making fart noises.

I started my Beauty Rituals awhile back, and I look–fine. Maybe about
my age, which is really the most you can hope for. But now I can never
stop. What if my oil of olay is the only thing keeping me from looking
twice my age, like my own grandmother, or like a wrinkled, aging
elephant with only a few good years left in him before his foot becomes
a wastebasket? There’s no going back. And I’m afraid that going
forward, things are only going to get more expensive.

7 Replies to “well-moisturized”

  1. I’ve also noticed the need for rich moisturizers after the age of 30. I’ve been using Sympathy For the Skin from LUSH for the past few months, and I LOVE it! It’s made with exquisite natural ingredients, and even has an expiry date – it’s that fresh.

  2. I’m thirty-mumble as well and have also recently begun the uphill battle with my skin. I feel lucky though, because things aren’t that bad, especially for being a smoker. I know. But I have my prescription for Wellbutrin and I’m dedicated to quitting in the next week. I digress. Anyway, I’ve found the Oil of Olay Regenerist stuff to be amazing, including their mask/scrubby peely 2-part system. After you use that, you look as though you’re 20 years old and just got done having sex. It’s that good. Worth every penny of the 23 bucks it costs.

  3. Still looking for the magic potion myself. Let me know if you run across it. I don’t like scrubby/peely things because they give me a rash, or I’d try the twenty-something orgasm stuff Kim recommends.

  4. You are using face lotion with SPF in the daytime, right? Nothing ages you faster than the sun’s evil UV rays. All the lotion in the world won’t do you any good if your skin is not protected from the sun.

  5. I know, I too have gone from sporadic moisturizing and washing my face with harsh harsh cleansers to at least using an oil-free moisturizer daily. Being thirtymumble sucks for my skin. I saw some Neutrogena for people with zits and wrinkles, I might have to investigate. Or the 20-orgasm stuff Kim recommends.

  6. Now that I’m 30+, have noticed a difference in my skin. Moisturizer is a must and not an option now. Surprisingly, I’ve found that my miracle product is Aveda liquid exfolient. It makes my skin look smoother and fresher. I will have to try the Regenerist products- they sound really good from everything I’ve heard!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *