Comments on: public property

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 19:44:17 +0000

As always a great entry. I never though about this before. Just one hour ago my collegues and I were commenting on a very skinny woman at our work area. So I guess I am guilty of this judgement. When I got skinny, I did notice when and if I was the skinniest in the room. I certainely was never the largest. People commented which usually made me happy. But then I gained some poundage. When people make the comment oh your so skinny I feel as if it is empty. That it was coming out of obligation.
Thanks for the thought provoking entry.

By: kat

kat — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:51:39 +0000

Just wanted to say, that when EW finished I was sooo sad, but that now I think it may have been for the better if only for the amazing quality of your writing now (though you were always great!). I don’t know if it’s because you have less restraint here or what, but I think you are an amzing writer and you seem to be shining right now.

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 16:08:32 +0000

Remember: People think they have to say something. People with unusual names get dumb comments on their unusual name, people who are expecting get dumb comments on that. Someone who heard I had a Ph.D. said, “I guess you think you’re smarter than everyone else now.” Whatever. People don’t realize that they can just not talk if they’re going to say idiotic things.

For the record, I looked at your Flickr photos and think that you’re too cute, too adorable, and too stylish. :) If you think you are too thin and need to gain some healthy pounds back, fine, but don’t do it in the hopes that people will shut up, because they never do.

By: Linda

Linda — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 01:55:54 +0000

It’s very strange. People didn’t comment too much about my size (to my face) when I was heavier. When I lost weight, they unreservedly said it was great (including the “too skinny”). Except for a few people, who timidly asked if I meant to lose weight. Which made sense, since I could have had a wasting disease. But I knew a man who lost weight, and nobody assumed it was a positive development. Everyone thought he 1) had cancer or 2) was cheating on his wife. And openly asked him about it. No “you look great” for him.

By: JL(DN): Public Property | Dearest Mabel

JL(DN): Public Property | Dearest Mabel — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 01:06:07 +0000

[...] Read the full dispatch. [...]

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:47:36 +0000

I went through a rough period a few years back, 2001 to be exact, where my marriage imploded and my dad passed away within a six month period. Though I *tried* to eat, I couldn’t – everything tasted like sawdust and my nerves were so shot, I couldn’t keep a lot of stuff down. I dropped down to 104 (I’m 5’4″) and looked like Skeletor.
I received more rudeness and unwelcome comments from so-called “friends” and my own family – it got to the point where people were whispering about eating disorders and drugs.
It amazes me what people think is acceptable to say to another person and how quick they are to jump to (usually incorrect) conclusions.

By: M.

M. — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:05:23 +0000

Seriously! Whatever happened to a simple “You look fabulous!” accompanied by a big happy-to-see-you hug?

…Unless maybe the person in question drastically deviated from their normal size/shape for no apparent reason, and you’re a close enough friend so you can politely inquire in a discreet setting whether anything is wrong. And if you’re not that close to the person, you can always ask a mutual friend who is.

But then on the other hand, did the person who said “you look so skinny” know you had gastric bypass (or the band or whatever the thing you had done was called)? Because then maybe they thought that was the best compliment they could give because you wanted the skinny outcome very much?

I dunno, people are weird.

By: Jean

Jean — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:16:40 +0000

This is why I generally stick to hair and shoes when I’m doling out compliments. Nobody minds being told their hair and/or shoes are fabulous.

By: Sal

Sal — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:05:17 +0000

Funny how curiosity and observation – generally such GOOD forces – can become intrusive and unwelcome when wielded without care.

By: Cobblestone

Cobblestone — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:03:11 +0000

My late husband was 6’4″ and 145lbs TOPS. He taught me that any comment beyond “you look great!” is just not helpful. No, he didn’t play basketball, no, he didn’t play the piano, but yes, he would reach that thing that you somehow got on the top shelf.