Comments on: depression’s got a hold of me

By: diana

diana — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 23:15:52 +0000

hi jen!
i’m glad we’re totally friends now too. thanks for introducing yourself.

this post REALLY struck home with me. i have struggled with depression all my life, and then about 3 years ago it started to get worse than normal. it took me almost 3 YEARS to realize what was going on – that i was getting worse and worse – and the sadness was coming from inside of me, rather than a being result of outside circumstances.

i’ve tried everything – supplements, herbal remedies, self-help books, you name it. i’ve always been terrified of the thought of antidepressants, but it got so bad that i finally went and saw a doctor.

long story short (ish): i was put on a low dose of lexapro about a month ago. i can honestly say it’s changed my life. i haven’t had one of those “crashes” where it feels like a physical wall of sadness just slammed into your chest, since about 4 days after starting the medication. i feel like i can trust my thoughts and emotions again. the most amazing part is that i don’t feel like a drugged out or numbed-up person – i just feel like i’m functioning at the best level of “diana” as i can be. i still have emotions – they just feel more stable. it almost feels like i’ve got this safety net stretched out a couple feet below me, protecting me from diving into that “hole” again.

antidepressants are a big thing – they’re scary, and it’s hard to even admit that you might need them sometimes. (it took me 27 years…) it might not be the right thing for you, but i just wanted to let you know, you’re SO not alone, and maybe consider talking to your doctor about it? a close friend of mine also went on lexapro a little before i did and she’s said the same thing – it’s ENTIRELY changed her life.

sorry to get so long-winded (and i hope i don’t sound like a drug-pusher!!) know that there is hope out there though…

xo
diana

By: Traci

Traci — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 02:52:10 +0000

Not to bring you down any further, Jen, but I wanted to respond to what M. said on 3/23.
If you mean in a happier state of being than before the period of depression started (like getting some extra happy because of the break from happiness), I think, “No”. To me it’s just a return to the normal even-keel ups and downs of daily life.
I LOVE “Is it possible to roll your eyes and say ‘damn it all, this sucks, now I have to wait for my brain chemistry to rebalance itself?’ Then you don’t have to fight it or succumb to it or write about it or go sit in front of a light like a plant… you just have it. Like a brain period.” This is how I try to self-talk while I’m at the worst (ie, “so I’m not able to do anything now, but it will pass”) but THEN I can start to think of how much of my life is forfeited to these times, and I can feel robbed, for me and my family.
As Pastaqueen pointed out, I don’t think you can really totally get it unless you’ve been there, but thanks for the support and encouragement!
PS I would like to acknowledge that I am truly blessed by both a flex-time job and by a psychologist husband who is willing to make arrangements and shoulder so much more of the load at these times as well as help the children by his display of attitude while he does it that I don’t think that the children will remeber having a childhood with “Mommy holes” in it!
Thanks for bearing with this long post, it is the first time I’ve written online about my experience, and I guess I had a bit to say!
love,

By: Jenn

Jenn — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:09:14 +0000

I always enjoyed reading your posts… now I have nothing to read! Come back!!!

By: jaybee

jaybee — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:23:10 +0000

I love you. Not in a creepy online stalker way.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 05:03:56 +0000

I hope you are doing ok.

By: sarah

sarah — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:57:33 +0000

i miss you. please come back! tell us your troubles & we will tell you how awesome you are in spite of them.

By: Liz H

Liz H — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:58:24 +0000

Hey. Come back. Even if you are black cloudy and in your underpants. We miss you. Please

(((Jen)))

By: M.

M. — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:19:09 +0000

I understand what you’re saying in the abstract. But unless you’ve completely not blogged what you think, you always re-emerge in happier state of being, no? Is it possible to roll your eyes and say “damn it all, this sucks, now I have to wait for my brain chemistry to rebalance itself?” Then you don’t have to fight it or succumb to it or write about it or go sit in front of a light like a plant… you just have it. Like a brain period.

I don’t know personally from depression, but I’ve dated guys who’ve suffered. It’s pretty awful, for sure. So, you know, just do your thing. Lie in bed or traipse around the mountains or brush the dogs or whatever it is you’re up to these days, and sooner or later you’ll be back and we’ll be here and all that jazz. Feel better!

By: Eileen

Eileen — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:59:12 +0000

Hi Jen,
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve been there too and damn it sucks the big one. I won’t suggest anything cuz I’m sure you’re tried or thought of it all, but please know that I am thinking of you and wishing a speedy recovery from the drowning and the choking and the darkness.

Longtime follower of you in your various web incarnations (always seem to lose you, then you pop up somewhere new!),
Eileen

By: sparkly_jules

sparkly_jules — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 23:53:41 +0000

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and it’s too small. It sucks, no doubt about it. Drugs help, friends help, and writing helps. We don’t judge you, we understand you. It’s ok to write about your feelings. (Am I saying that to you or myself? Hmmmm).

Cyberhug,

Jules