From the monthly archives: January 2012
It was when I was thrift store shopping that I remembered that one of the things I want to do when I get a wheelbarrow full of money, besides purchase a nuclear-powered stove and get my name etched on the surface of the moon, was get a tummy tuck. Flat-out, straight-up plastic surgery.
I [...]
Sometimes I feel like despite of All The Adversity, I still manage to comport myself as a fairly adult member of society. I’m generally responsible and reasonably with-it. I pay my bills, I floss, I change the sheets weekly, I keep up with the laundry and the dishes. My deadlines are all met [...]
A friend texted, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that’s like, but I’m sorry,” and it took me a minute to figure out a way to explain it. I finally texted back, “It’s like you’re going crazy, and you can’t do anything about it.” And that is the best way I have [...]
We talk a lot about how much we hate our stove. “I hate this stove,” I say. “This stove is awful,” E says. This stove is a relic, this stove is a piece of crap, this stove is one thousand years old and why, god, why have you cursed us with a stove [...]
I surprised myself yesterday when I realized I’ve written two books. That’s not, like, a lot of books. It’s a very small number of books, in fact. It is more than one, which is its distinguishing characteristic, but it’s a lot less than, say, fifteen.
But two books feels like a [...]
It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten weight loss surgery—five years, I want to say. Maybe six? Maybe less than that. Maybe somewhere in between that. I could get up and find the stack of paper I have, a whole folder’s worth,about as thick as ream of printer paper, of documentation and [...]
One of those days where every single thing in the whole wide world is stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. You are stupid and you, and you and you and especially you and I hate you all, but that’s okay, because I hate myself even more, okay? Okay then!
I laid in bed for [...]
Eleven days into 2012 and I’ve already written a little over eleven thousand words on the manuscript I’m trying to finish, plus a handful of thousand words on little short-shorts that aren’t very good but are satisfying to write. In these past eleven days I have written more than I did in the [...]
I’ve been on Effexor for over ten years. It’s an SNRI used to treat depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Luckily I am both depressed and generally anxious, so I’m not just taking these meds recreationally.
When I went to the doctor, it was because I was unable to eat [...]
Every once in awhile I develop this overwhelming desire to become a better person—someone who smells better, looks better, acts better, is better. I think this is a unique phenomenon that should probably be studied by scientists as something brand-new and unusual that no one on earth has ever experienced ever in the history of [...]
