you can take the stomach out of the girl, but you can’t take the girl away from her stomach

Tonight, Jayrad brought us all home treats from the convenience store–chocolate milk for E, a packet of peanut M&Ms for me. Peanut M&Ms: not known for their nutritional value. Me: Very, very full from a Chinese food dinner, not hungry at all, a little depressed and downtrodden by the most depressingly bad movie ever in the history of them (Red Dawn! a young Patrick Swayze! Jennifer Grey reminds me of my friend Harry!), and generally, just not in the kind of place emotionally where anyone with a healthy relationship with food would find themselves wanting to add peanut M&Ms.

Part of the reason I know I have a problem is because I am aware that I have a problem; I am aware of how a regular person would react to an unexpected packet of M&Ms–“Thanks!” they would say, and they would put the M&Ms away for later. So that’s what I did. “Thanks!” and I tucked them into my bag. And then, when no one was looking, I pulled them back out of my bag, tore open a corner, and shook out two. Then I put them back into my bag.

Rinse repeat, for what felt like hours, but was probably say, 30 or 40 seconds. Then it is time for me to head out. I shoulder my bag, and what I am thinking is “Now I can eat my M&Ms, when I get home!” and it is such an exciting prospect. Except as my bag shifts, I hear the candy rattle, and then spill across the bottom of my bag. At the same time, an existentially angsty NOOOOOOO rings out across the barren plains of my heart.


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halloween cures all ills

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Photo via Splash

Are you stressed? Are you sad? Are you sad and stressed and tired? It has become absolute scientific fact (because I read it on the Internets) that Halloween is good for you and will fix all problems, everywhere, for everyone. Research says that no matter how bad the economy is, that Halloween candy spending and costume-buying remains on the rise, with Americans spending over five billion dollars on the holiday. That is the kind of stimulated economy behind which I can get.

And with everyone all stimulated and stimulating the economy, cheerfulness goes up, wigs get broken out, and everyone gets even cheerier–Halloween as debauched, wild crazy time for adults has come back in vogue:

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basket case

We stayed out late on Friday night, and had to get up so early on Saturday, and then Saturday was very busy and we stayed up late, and so Sunday, I slept in, hard. E was up hours before me, which does not ever happen. He is usually up until four in the morning because he might miss something and that would be so terrible. Then, he sleeps until mid afternoon, while I am, personally, up at the crack of dawn and have been doing chores and being productive for just hours on end, waiting for him to get his lazy carcass the hell out of bed and contribute to society.  Possibly that is not entirely true.

I really am usually up before him, though. Sunday morning, he had bounced out of bed, got bored with waiting for me to wake up, and came back into the bedroom. It’s time to get up, he announced. Let’s do fun things! You want to wake up and do something fun? You don’t want to lie in bed all morning. Let’s just get you out of bed, here. Are you just going to lie there? Are you grumpy? Are you too grumpy to get out of bed? You want to come hang out with me? And I responded with grunts, generally, and I may have growled, and if I had had the energy, I would probably have taken a swipe at him. Finally, he said, I really think you should get up. And see your Easter basket. And then he laughed at me for ten minutes when my eyes popped open and I leapt out of bed.

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